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That clown’s had his hand in my pocket for years… 

I’ve been eating at McDonald’s for literally decades, as I’m sure most of us have.

I have a friend who, when he was younger, was a manager at a McDonald’s and we had endless friendly arguments about the quality of service.  More precisely, the accuracy of the service.

Every single time my family would go through the drive-thru and order a few meals, they would get something wrong.  Often very wrong.  And usually the error would be an omission.  It wasn’t like they accidentally put more food in the bag.  We were always light.

Annoyingly (for my friend), I would bring this up nearly every time we saw each other.  My argument being that this shouldn’t be the hard part of the job.

They always charged me accurately.  My receipt always matched perfectly with everything I requested at the order microphone, it just never made it fully into the bag.

So my question always was:

How hard is it to look at the bill, see a burger, put a burger in the bag, and repeat?

How is it possible to get this so wrong so often?  Are they doing it on purpose to save money? Hoping enough people will just not bother to come back or complain?  That seems unbelievable.

When they omit something from the order of a family of four with healthy (in terms of quantity, not obviously dietary choices in this case) appetites, this means that one of us is missing some or all of our meal.

My friend, the at-the-time McDonald’s manager, would tell me repeatedly that the company polls their customers regularly and they are told that:

The number one priority of the customers at the drive-thru is speed.

But I’m pretty sure the survey never asked folks:

Do you want it so fast, that we don’t give you everything you paid for?

So if you make the mistake of not checking your bags before driving away, or get confused by the jumble of wrappers and boxes within, you may think it’s all there until you get home.

The hungry hippos then gather around the table as all the tasty goodies are revealed one-by-one and placed in front of their corresponding grumbly-tumblies.

But, alas, we got shorted.  Again.

Mommy’s burger isn’t here.  Mommy’s pissed.  Mommy’s calling the clown.

Hello, McDonald’s how may I help you?

Yes, we just got home and we’re missing part of our order. Explain, explain, explain.

And then the punch line comes…

Sorry about that, if you drive back we’ll make sure we have a free burger waiting for you.

A free burger!?

So if I drive back, there’s two burgers waiting for me?  The one I paid for and a free one?  Because your so-called free burger I’ve already paid for, it’s not free.  You just didn’t give it to me.

Hey, it’s only a burger.  But it does seem like if you’re going to be a pickpocket, a clown outfit just seems like a bad choice.

If you’re going to be a pickpocket, a clown outfit just seems like a bad choice. 

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